Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Sweet surrender or changed correction?

Recently I was wronged by another person. In my fleshly reaction I looked to others around to stand up for me. (Wrong choice. If we truly belong to Christ, He is our defender and avenger. Looking to any other than Him is sin.) 

Such as life, right? Well, when I saw the Lord's correction coming upon the individual, I shouted, "I'm happy and I'll be glad when..." The moment those words fell out of my mouth, I knew I messed up! 

Here's why: "Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth: Lest the LORD see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath from him." Proverbs 24:17-18

The Lord immediately laid this passage upon my heart. I was so focus on the wrong done (misplaced focus, no longer on Christ, rather focused on "poor me"- This is sin) and the doer of it, I set this to the side. After I quieted this needed check in my spirit (I ignored the voice of the Lord! Dangerous, even for those who are His. Another sin!), I became even more distracted. (Those of you who know me already know how easily this happens, lol!) boy was I wrong! Like a snowball affect, the moment I chose to put my focus on "self", it was one slip, trip and fall after another. 

Here we are a couple days later... The Lord did withdrawal His wrath and correction. When He did my heart sank even more. Last night I spoke with this individual. Though there was much humility in that conversation, there was more I had to be taught. I wrongly held onto things I should've immediately given to God, my Father. I allowed my pride to swell as I focused on the pride in the other person. I failed to see my own shortcomings and faults. 

See, He brought me to this passage last week. He was trying to prepare me for what was ahead. Though I had read it, I tucked it away as already known. I had seen Him work in this way before. (That was an extremely prideful act!) To be teachable, we MUST be humble and a "know it all attitude" just won't cut it! 

As He brought this passage to me again, He granted me eyes to see the errors of my own ways and the reasons for the repercussions. In rereading it again the phrase, "...it displease Him..." leaped off the pages. I did it, I broke His heart. Yes, I'm still His. Yes, He still loves me. Yet the impact of accepting my childish and immature behavior brought me to my knees and my heart to tears. This is genuine repentance! More than godly sorrow but sin saturated in full surrender to the One I caused much pain. 

He once again took me to this passage and took me farther. He said, "Fret not thyself because of evil men, neither be thou envious at the wicked; For there shall be no reward to the evil man; the candle of the wicked shall be put out." (vs 19-20)

Long story short, it's up to us to begrudgingly hold onto pain or to forgive and surrender it to the ONLY One able to heal, restore, defend and avenge us.